Tuesday, November 26, 2013

How Abusive Men Parent

HOW ABUSIVE MEN PARENT



LINK HERE

Authoritarianism

If an abusive man involves himself in child discipline, he has rigid expectations, low empathy and an angry style of "power-assertive" (i.e. verbal and physical force) punishment. Discipline is a quick fix to an immediate problem, not a thoughtful strategy based upon reasonable and age-appropriate expectations. He may see himself as a superior parent and not listen to input from his partner. He may swing between authoritarian and permissive, even neglectful, parenting.

         Low Involvement, Neglect & Irresponsibility

While children must respect his authority, their daily care is the mother's responsibility, especially routine or less pleasant duties such as diapers and homework. He may be unaffectionate with children and find excuses to avoid coming home. He is unlikely to sacrifice his needs to meet family responsibilities. His praise and attention, so rarely bestowed, may be highly valued by children. Neglect can alternate with periods of authoritarian control. 

         Undermining of the Mother

           Overruling her decisions, ridiculing her in front of the children, portraying himself as the only legitimate parenting              authority. Contempt towards his partner shows children it is okay to insult and even physically abuse her.


       

       Self-Centredness

        Selfishly expecting the status and rewards of fatherhood with- out sacrifices or responsibilities. May resist changes         to his lifestyle when a baby is born. Can be enraged by normal behaviour such as crying in infants. Expects children         to meet his needs (e.g., listen to his troubles, provide affection, or keep him company when he is in the mood).


Manipulativeness

Confuses children about blame for the violence and who is the better parent.

       Ability to Perform Under Observation

        During professional evaluations or in social situations, some abusive men can seem to be loving and attentive                 fathers. The contrast between public and private behaviour may be stark. Children may feel most comfortable with             him in public places.
 

Issues to keep in mind....

  • the more frequently a man abuses his partner, the more likely he will maltreat the children
  • children can be injured when mothers are assaulted (e.g., babes in arms)
  • the emotional abuse that virtually always accompanies physical violence will have a profoundly negative effect on children
  • children face enormous barriers to disclosing abuse or maltreatment in their homes
Some abusive partners can appear to be kind and dependable parents

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Friday, September 20, 2013

Another Washington State Child Internationally Abducted By Parent


Kirkland mom accused of fleeing to Japan to thwart parenting plan

Published 7:29 pm, Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Maximus, pictured in a photo provided by his father Kris Morness. King County prosecutors contend Maximus's mother Chie Kawabata abducted the boy earlier this year and has taken him to Japan. Photo: Family Photos


A Kirkland woman accused of fleeing to Japan with her son in an end run around a custody dispute now faces criminal charges.
King County prosecutors contend Chie Kawabata left the country earlier this year with her 5-year-old son, Maximus, despite court orders requiring her to keep the child in the United States. Kawabata has been charged with custodial interference, a kidnapping-related felony.
Writing the court, Deputy Prosecutor Benjamin Santos contends Kawabata has completely cut off contact with her son’s father, Vancouver, B.C., resident Kris Morness, and has no intention of returning the child. 
“The defendant has ignored the conditions of the parenting plan and simply defied the court’s last order,” Santos told the court. “It appears the defendant has made arrangements to move all of her belongings to Japan. … There is little reason to believe this move is not permanent.”
Santos went on to contend the Maximus may be in danger.
Kawabata, 46, is the fourth Japanese mother in recent years to be charged in King County with taking children to Japan in violation of court orders. Because Japan has not ratified the leading international treaty on the issue, U.S. authorities are effectively blocked from returning the kidnapped children.
According to charging papers, Kawabata and Morness divorced in 2012. While Maximus lived primarily with Kawabata, the parenting plan mandated that either parent receive permission before taking Maximus out of the country. 
In late 2012, Kawabata asked for a court order allowing her to take her son to Japan. King County Superior Court Judge Jean Rietschel denied her request in January, finding in part that “the detrimental effects of relocation outweigh the benefits.”
Morness learned Kawabata was missing in late July after his son didn’t show up for a weekend visitation. At his request, Kirkland police went to the woman’s home and found she’d moved out.
As it turned out, Kawabata and the boy flew to Japan on July 26. She had a one-way ticket.
In an email, Kawabata admitted she took the boy to Osaka, a Kirkland detective told the court.
“The torment I have endured in recent years have left me … emotionally ruined and forced my hands to take this step that I wish I did not have to take,” Kawabata wrote in an email to her ex-husband, according to charging papers.
Since her disappearance, Morness has launched a website describing his ex as a “senior HR manager/child abductor.” He’s also posted court documents supporting the claims made by police – chiefly that Kawabata had no authority to run off with Maximus. 
In recent years, U.S. authorities have seen an increase in the number of international custodial child abductions. Watchdogs on the issue say there are currently more than 1,000 such open cases involving U.S. parents whose children have been taken overseas.
Unlike the United States and 80 other countries, the Japanese government has not ratified the Hague Convention on International Child Abduction. The 29-year-old United Nations accord requires that member countries honor custody agreements made outside their borders unless doing so threatens the child involved.
In addition to Kawabata, prosecutors in King County have charged three other Japanese women with kidnapping their own children. None have answered the charges against them.
Most recently, prosecutors charged former Seattle resident Ryoko Fukuda with absconding with her daughter the day she was supposed to hand over the girl’s Japanese passport. According to charging documents filed in Aug. 2012, the girl’s father rushed to Sea-Tac Airport in an attempt to retrieve her. Prosecutors say Fukuda and the child were already flying to Japan. 
Michiyo Imoto Morehouse, previously of Bellevue, was charged with the same crime in 2010 after fleeing the country with her son. Her ex-husband had been awarded sole custody of the child.
In 2009, another former Seattle resident – Mayumi Ogawa – fled the country weeks after a King County Superior Court judge approved a parenting plan stating that her son would split his time between his parents, according to charging papers. The boy’s father has since been awarded sole control of the child.
Kawabata, like the rest of the women, remains at large. Prosecutors have requested that she be jailed if apprehended.


Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Will You Help Stop International Parental Child Abduction?

Will You Help Stop International Parental Child Abduction?

"Man who murdered his daughters in shocking Muslim 'honour killing' is working as a New York City cab driver"

QUOTE:

One of America's most wanted fugitives accused of murdering his two daughters because they were dating non-Muslim boys is believed to be working as a cab driver in New York City.
Egyptian-born Yaser Said fled his home in 2008 after allegedly shooting daughters Aminia, 18, and Sarah, 17, in an horrific 'honour killing' on New Year's Day.



Killer: Egyptian-born Yaser Said, pictured, allegedly shot his two daughters in an horrific 'honour killing' and is now driving a cab in New York


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MUSLIMS IN AMERICA: HONOR KILLINGS OF WIVES AND DAUGHTERS

By Frosty Wooldridge
September 26, 2011
NewsWithViews.com

If you will take a gander at the September 26, 2011 issue of Newsweek, page 48, titled “Marry or else!” by Michelle Goldberg, you will see that the Balkanization of America steams full speed ahead of schedule. The quote by James Walsh below brings it home like gangbusters.
“Immigrants devoted to their own cultures and religions are not influenced by the secular politically correct façade that dominates academia, news-media, entertainment, education, religious and political thinking today,” said James Walsh, former Associate General Counsel of the United States Immigration and Naturalization Service. “They claim the right not to assimilate, and the day is coming when the question will be how can the United States regulate the defiantly unassimilated cultures, religions and mores of foreign lands? Such immigrants say their traditions trump the U.S. legal system. Balkanization of the United States has begun.”
In the Newsweek article, we now watch while American Muslim girls are sent off to marry men 20 to 30 years older than themselves—to uphold the family honor. If not, they are killed by fathers, uncles and brothers.
New research shows how it happens in England and the United States
Frankly, I am astounded that the politically correct media giant Newsweek would publish a piece exposing the barbarism of Muslims in America. It’s usually hidden, suppressed and avoided at all costs. You can bet honor killings in Detroit, Michigan as well as female genital mutilation and other Muslim rituals are being covered up by Muslim law enforcement now dominating the city. It is happening in the United Kingdom, Norway, Sweden, France, Belgium and Holland.
“Perhaps the most high-profile honor killing case in Britain has been the tragic 2006 killing of Banaz Mahmod,” said Goldberg. “Banaz entered into an arranged marriage at the age of 16 to a man who raped and beat her. Two years later, she fled the union and fell in love with another man. Enraged, her father and uncle, both Islamic Kurds, killed her and stuffed her body into a suitcase and buried it in a London garden.”
Before killing her, her two cousins and other Muslim men tortured, raped and beat her for breaking the family rules as to arranged marriages. The cousins, father and uncle now live in prison cells in London for their atrocities.
But it doesn’t stop there.
In the United States, in the past two years, over 3,000 cases of forced marriages have surfaced. Layli Miller-Muro, executive director of the Tahirih Justice Center, is trying to change that problem.
“We’ve already learned enough in the survey to tell us we’re just hitting the tip of the iceberg,” Miller-Muro said.
Forced marriages continue in most states of the Union where Muslims live. That includes Michigan, Iowa, California, New York, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Georgia, Colorado, Tennessee and Texas reported Goldberg.
One 16 year old girl attempted to escape her family after she rejected her arranged marriage. “My father said that he would behead me,” said the girl. “I’ll be considered dead by my family no matter what.”
“Other parents will take their children out of the country to marry them off—again, not an illegal practice,” said Goldberg. “In some cases, there has been clear violence or the threat of violence, which allows agencies to interfere, but in others, the pressure is financial or emotional.”
While the article in Newsweek touched only one aspect of Muslim rituals, it failed to address female genital mutilation, stoning, torture, rapes, multiple wives, killings of gays and subjugation of women to men’s power in America. While you can take the man out of the Islamic country, you cannot take the culture out of males used to brutally dominate their women.

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"AMERICAN WOMAN, ABDUCTED AS A CHILD BY HER MUSLIM FATHER, WANTS TO START FOUNDATION TO HELP VICTIMS OF INTERNATIONAL ABDUCTION"

Believe me.....these tragedies don't usually end so well.




This story is all too common: Muslim men marry non-Muslim women in the U.S., then take the children and go back to their Muslim country. The child is forced to live as a Muslim and never sees his or her mother again. But Nashwa El-Sayed and her mother fought back. I hope Nashwa does start her foundation to help victims of international abduction, and that she faces it squarely as largely a problem of Islamic supremacism. That kind of foundation should already be up and running. It is the kind of thing our government should be doing, if it had its priorities straight.
New Yorker’s international abduction as a toddler triggers career in politics New York Daily News, June 2, 2013
New Yorker Nashwa el-Sayed’s dream was to return to the land of her birth after she was abducted by he father and taken to Egypt. She eventually returned to the United States as a teenager.

New Yorker Nashwa el-Sayed’s dream was to return to the land of her birth after she was abducted by he [sic] father and taken to Egypt. She eventually returned to the United States as a teenager.

She’s an American who survived her own “Argo”-style daring escape from the Middle East.
And last week, Nashwa el-Sayed, 22, added a New York coda to her thrilling tale that shows this tenacious, young woman is dedicated to more than just her own personal freedom.
We have a stateswoman in the making here.
“I was born on Dec. 26, 1990, in Columbia Presbyterian to a Puerto Rican-New Yorker mom and an Egyptian-born father named Mohamed el-Sayed,” she says. “My mom was 30. My dad was like 33.”
She had no siblings. Sayed learned to creep and toddle in a home on 106th St. in South Ozone Park, Queens.
My mother tells me that when I was 2 1/2, she had a big fight with my father over his physical abusiveness,” she says. “First, he abused her. When he began to beat me, my mom said it caused me to stutter.”
Her mom took Mohamed Sayed to court. He moved out. The mom maintained custody of her daughter, but the dad was granted unsupervised visitation.
“One day in 1993, my father picked me up and didn’t bring me back to my mom,” she says. “My life changed forever that day.”
The NYPD and FBI search was futile. Sayed had absconded with his daughter to Alexandria, Egypt.
“I was learning English and didn’t know any Arabic,” she says. “I was placed with my father’s brother for two years. Then my father remarried and I moved back with him. But his new wife resented me.
“At 5, I became a maid,” she says. “Waiting on adults, cleaning and doing house chores. My stepmother also beat me and threatened that if I told my father she would kill me.”
Nashwa says she was a house servant until she was 9, when her stepmother gave birth to an autistic child.
“My job was to take care of my half-brother,” she says. “My father and his wife fought. She beat me. When I finally told my father that his wife was beating me, he beat me with a belt. I felt so alone, so alienated. I started asking about my real mother. He told me my mom had given me up as a baby and that she had died.”
Soon, her father divorced.
Nashwa lived alone with her father. “One day, out of the blue, he said, ‘Someone is coming to visit you.’ ”
Two weeks later, she answered the door. “I was about 10. Standing there was my mother,” she recalls. “I didn’t speak any English. She spoke no Arabic. But it was the happiest moment of my life. I embraced her. I wouldn’t let go.”
Her mother stayed for two weeks, explaining that she had finally learned of her daughter’s whereabouts from an Egyptian friend of Mohamed’s in Queens.
“It was heartbreaking when my mother returned to New York, but she promised to return,” says Nashwa. “My mom sent me tapes and videos: Backstreet Boys, Shakira, Madonna. I listened over and over. Memorizing lyrics. Asking my father what each English word meant.”
When her father got cable TV, she watched sitcoms like “Friends” and “The King of Queens,” learning English from Arabic subtitles. “My mom called every week, and she would correct my English until I could speak full sentences. My mother came back and stayed for the whole summer.”
Nashwa says her mother visited her only twice more after that summer, imploring her to find a way to come to America. “Unfortunately, I did not develop a deep relationship with my mother,” she says. “But what she told me about life in America made me want to go.”
Nashwa says she pestered her father to send her to New York to study. “He always said, ‘Next year. Next year.’ I was about 14 when America went to war with Iraq. It electrified the politics of the Middle East. I was an honor student in high school. When I was 16, I told my father I wanted a life in politics. He laughed and said, ‘Politics is not for girls. I found you a husband. He’s a businessman, so you will study business to help him at work.’ ”
Horrified by the prospect of an arranged marriage to an older stranger, she called her mother, who called the State Department.
“A few days later, in the summer of 2008, I was approached on the street by an FBI agent who gave me the name of a woman State Department agent I should secretly meet at the American Embassy.”
The next day, Nashwa told her father she was going to a friend’s party. Instead, she met with the State Department staffer and two FBI agents and told them everything about her abduction, life of servitude, beatings and a pending arranged marriage. “The State Department agent asked me, ‘Why should we help you?’ I said, ‘Because I am an American and I want a better life in America.’ ”
When she got home, her father was in a rage. He beat her. Her uncle’s wife had been in the embassy that morning wearing a burka and had seen Nashwa talking with the agents.
“I was taken to the uncle’s house,” she says. “All of my family was gathered, berating me, saying I was a bad Muslim. That in America, I would be drinking, partying with boys, living a life of sin. I looked at them and said, ‘If America is so bad, why are you all on a waiting list to go there?’ They had no answer.”
Nashwa called her mother, saying she would kill herself before marrying a stranger. When her mom told the FBI that her daughter had been seen at the embassy and was contemplating suicide, they again surreptitiously contacted Nashwa. “They said they had a seat on a flight leaving Cairo in the morning. ‘This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance,’ the agent said.”
ashwa arranged to sleep at a friend’s house, grabbed her secret $600 in savings and texted the FBI agent the friend’s address. She didn’t sleep a wink. Then at 5 a.m. on Aug. 13, 2008, Nashwa tiptoed out of the friend’s apartment. She raced down the seven steps to the gate.
No van.
Panicked, she texted the FBI agents. The feds replied they were running late. Her phone buzzed with a text from her father. She started to run. Her father called. She ran faster. Almost a mile. Ran all the way to the highway — where the FBI agents skidded to a stop.
They pulled Nashwa into an unmarked van and raced for the airport. Handed her an American passport. Her father called. Her father texted. “I threw the cell phone out the window,” she says.
Suddenly, she was on a plane to Austria.
“I connected to a plane to France,” she says. “And then, like a dream come true, I was landing at John F. Kennedy Airport in Queens, where I was kidnapped by my father 15 years earlier.”
The mother-daughter reunion was not the fairy-tale ending Nashwa had imagined.
Time, distance, clashing cultures and her mom’s boyfriend all created a chilly barrier.
“I stayed with my mother until I was 18,” she says. “Then I enrolled in Queens College, took student loans and got a job in a mall and waiting tables at Woodhaven House restaurant and found an apartment on Craigslist and studied hard.”
On Friday, Nashwa was awarded a bachelor’s degree in political science and international relations from Queens College. But she was not there to collect her diploma.
Last Tuesday, she left on a two-week mission to the Middle East with the prestigious Ibrahim Foundation Leadership and Dialogue Project to study the political, cultural and economic structures of Dubai, Israel, Oman and Saudi Arabia.
Nashwa is one of six students representing Christianity, Islam and Judaism — two from each faith — working to foster a common dialogue in the flaring Middle Eastern conflicts.
“My other goal in life besides international politics is to start a foundation to help families struggling with international abduction,” she says. “I want to use my own experience to help others going through similar nightmares. My father laughed at me when I told him I wanted a life in politics. I live back in my native America now, so I think I will have the last laugh.”
Hats off to the graduate.



Tuesday, September 17, 2013

"CHILD'S BEST INTEREST" (????)




QUOTE:

The generalization is frightening, but like all broad statements there are many exceptions: After twenty years in family law courtrooms throughout the country, I confidently say that no woman, despite very abundant evidence that her child has been sexually molested by her ex-husband or that she has been repeatedly pummeled by the violent father of her child, can safely walk into any family court in the country and not face a grave risk of losing custody to the abuser for the sole reason that she dared to present the evidence to the judge and ask that the child be protected. Why is that? The fault does not lie with the "law" except to the extent that judges are granted discretion under the law. No statute, codal provision, or court rule was ever designed for the purpose of hurting kids. If the law fails kids, the judges are failing kids.
There are several paradoxes that terribly frustrate those in these trenches. First, criminal courts — with the heavy burden of proof beyond a reasonable doubt–will convict people for crimes of abuse on the same evidence that family court judges deem to be no evidence at all. Second, normal reactions of mothers to abuse of themselves or their children are viewed by family court judges as evidence that the abuse never occurred. Third, mental health evaluations are considered more reliable and desirable "evidence" of whether or not an event occurred than eyewitnesses, physical evidence, or even admissions by the perpetrator. And fourth, the lack of eyewitnesses, physical evidence, or admissions is considered proof that the event did not happen, despite its rejection as meaningless when present.
We live in an era professing condemnation of child rape and wife beating. We spend countless advertising dollars seeking to persuade mothers to protect themselves and their children, and when they do not act quickly enough, they are found unfit for choosing the abuser over their own child. 
Yet, let them heed our advice, let them go to the courthouse — often for the first time in their lives, to ask the judicial branch to honor its end of the social contract- and request simple physical safety, and they face destruction in the backfire of a system beating its chest to the hollow chant of the "child’s best interest." The "child’s best interest," a phrase so insidiously potent that appellate courts are loathe to question some trial judge’s irrational, unsubstantiated, gender-biased, self-contradictory, absurd, off-the-wall interpretation of it.